I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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