I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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