On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
