can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
