That's when you crack a 10am beer
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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