Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
