Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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