Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
