Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
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Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
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Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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