I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
