How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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