when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
