You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
