I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
