i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Randomize
