put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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