Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
