i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
