her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
