Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
