All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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