Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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