I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's rum buckets o'clock
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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