you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
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I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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