This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
