she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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