...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I pour the whiskey from now on
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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