I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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