I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
