Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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