the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize