Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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