Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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