I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
