so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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