After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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