Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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