How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
