Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
