I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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