thus making me awesome and them whores
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
