You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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