Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
