Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
