I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
