he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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