I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
