Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
