Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
