So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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