i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
