Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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