just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
