My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
