she takes plan B like it's going out of style
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You are the jesus of drinking
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
