Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
