Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
