I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
