just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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