You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
