Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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