i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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