Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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