no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
