we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
