a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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