I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
